The Mother That Never Was

“Loneliness and feeling unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” – Mother Teresa

Let’s dive into something a little deep today. 

The topic I want you to explore is your mother or your primary caregiver. 

How was she as a mother? What was she like as a mother? 

Do you remember your mother with fondness and love? Or do you remember your mother with a sense of lack and longing? 

Did she soothe you when you were hurt and encouraged you when you attempted something new? Or did she ignore your cries for help and mock you when you couldn’t do something right? 

What Do You See When You Look in The Mirror? 

The reason why these questions are important is that it directly affects how you see yourself today. 

When the need for acceptance and love never came from your mother, you grow up seeking the same nurture, acceptance, and love from friends or partners. But chances are, they soon tire from continually trying to provide the reassurance and acceptance you never got from your mother. 

Now, the cycle of feeling worthless and unlovable continues. You put up your barriers to protect yourself, then try again by looking for the next person who might be able to fill the gaping hole. 

Unless you fill that hole little by little, you can never be whole. But the good news is you can do it yourself. Slowly but surely. 

How Do I Fill the Gaping Hole? 

There are many exercises to get in touch with yourself and slowly shed the aftermath of neglect and abuse. But one of the best ways to heal is by visualising yourself as the mother and let her soothe your inner child. 

Your visualisation starts with you, as you are now, approaching your younger self. 

And say to your inner child all the things you wish you had heard from your mother. 

“I am proud of you.” 

“I love you more than anything in the world.” 

“I am the luckiest person alive to have such a wonderful child.” 

“You can do anything you put your mind to. I will support you all the way.” 

It is not an easy exercise, but it will slowly silence your inner critic because we should all learn to nourish and nurture this poverty. 

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